(1) Mr Harpreet Singh Gulati is travelling from Moscow to TurbanPore 
[Capital of Khalistan] by Kithe Pacific. Seated besides him is Gary 
Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Gulati : "Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who U are?. I can't compete 
with a world champion"
Gary : "How about if I play left handed ?"
Gulati : [Think.. Think..] "OK!"
Gulati is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of 
the journey. On landing he meets his friend Manpreet Singh.
Gulati : Hey! U know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and  he 
defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed...
Manpreet : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! U know what!! Gary IS 
LEFT-HANDED!!

(2)A chap having seen blisters in both of his Sikh friends's ears asked him 
what happend to his ears. He said that while he was busy ironing his 
clothes,the telephone rang, and he mistakenly put the iron to his ear 
instead of the receiver.Then the first fellow asked him what happend to his 
other ear, and the reply was "That fool called me again!"

(3) A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to 
the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have 
a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in 
there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he 
goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's 
made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still 
there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells 
the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to 
be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC 
walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident 
bhaiwaal out.
Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm sorry, I can't 
do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".

WHOEVER WROTE THIS JOKE CLAIMS THIS....

1. This actually happened. My father's deputy's friend took an answering 
machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later 
disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke 
bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"

2. This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs and 
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon 
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji 
replies "Aadmi hoon aur akal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar 
hai, usko kya pata "

3. Sardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be going for every show of 
the same movie for a week, when someone stops him and asks " Kyon sardarji, 
itni aachi lagi kya ki roz har show ke liye aar rahe ho?" Sardarji replies 
"Ek scene hai jahan ek ladki apne sare kapde utar deti hai lekin thabhi ek 
saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saali train kabhi na kabhi to late 
aayegi heh heh!"

4. Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes 
along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon 
bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati 
hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun"

5. Do u know What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox? He will compare it 
with the original for spelling mistakes !!

6. Do u know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper ? (he already 
has one and he wants one more..)
    He takes a Xerox of the white paper !!!

(5)Three friends, a Hindu, a Muslim and a Sikh, all great admirers of Bir 
Bajrang Bali were hotly arguing about what community Hanumanji belonged to. 
The Hindu was outraged by their claims: "How could Hanuman possibly be a 
Muslim?" he demanded.
His Muslim friend replied: "We have Ahsan, Rehman, Sulaiman and many other 
Muslim names ending with aan. Hanuman could well have been one such name."
"And you Sardarji," said the Hindu aggressively "Sikhism came into being a 
thousand years after the Ramayana. How can you say Hanuman was a Sikh?"
"Quite clearly Hanuman was a Sikh," replied the Surd. "Here we have someone 
who does not know the lady who has been abducted, and he has no enmity 
towards the abductor. Neverthless he sets his own tail on fire and burns up 
not just the enemy's palace, but a whole city. Who else would do such a 
thing except a Sardar??!"

(6)Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding 
along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak.
In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious 
young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa 
Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark.
Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap. When the train exits 
the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa 
Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's 
a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the 
tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"
The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd 
rather kiss that old hag than me."
The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals 
the kiss and I get slapped."
And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I 
kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."

(7) A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and 
he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask 
Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray...........
"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some 
money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. The Sardarji goes back to the 
synagogue.....................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and 
I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the 
temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me??  I've lost my business, my house, my 
car and my wife and children are starving....
I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. 
Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life 
back in order???"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the 
Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Ram:
"SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET!!"

(8) Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower 
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji 
says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man 
took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the 
Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking 
along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a 
thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the 
thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a 
ladder."

(9) Sardarji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

(10) Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands
"Rubi!"
"Woof!"
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!"
"Woof!"
"Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"


(11) Two Sardarjis are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks the first.
"No," answers the RR man.
"Can I?" asks the second Sardarji.


(12)Humor: A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he 
was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department 
improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was 
moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made him 
not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event, next day in the 
meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway deparrtment was 
""There should not be last coach in any train.""


(13) One sardar came to madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar.his 
tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence 
asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of 
stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor 
told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor 
told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for 
Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said 
he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. "Our sardar asked whether 
he will give two."


(14) Two sardarjis stayed in the same building. One on the first floor and 
the other one on the eight floor. Both were great enemies. One day the 
sardarji on the eight floor thought to befool the one on the first floor. He 
invited him for dinner. When the sardarji reached the eight floor , he found 
his door locked and a board at his door " Kaisa bewkoof banaya " . Sardarji 
felt embarrased and to outplay him, he wrote down:" " Main to yaha aya hi 
nahi tha"


(15) There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All 
the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 
'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead 
of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of 
them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur 
aap naach rahe ho?" .....comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi 
ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar "brain" tumour se mara hai!!!"

(16) Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They 
start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is 
ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... 
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the 
ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...".
The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a 
big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again... 
During their fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those stupid 
Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short 
runaway..", ""I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made 
it....""

(17) Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave 
the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the 
station arrived.  This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the 
sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the 
barber quietly shaved off his beard.  When the station arrived, the Sardarji 
was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and 
suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.   Said his wife " What's the 
matter?"   Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and   
woken up someone else"
(18) Two friends come to the pearly gates.  "How did you die?" asked one.
"Frozen to death.  And you?"
"I suspected my wife was having an affair, went home early, looked all over
- inside the cupboards - under the bed - behind the curtains - and the
strain caused a heart attack..."
"You stupid fool!  Why didn't you look in the fridge?  You would have
saved my life and yours if you did !!"
(19) A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in 
Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting 
complaints from his relatives like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe 
nahin hai"


Anagrams:-

Word                     When you rearrange the letters
--------------------------------------------------------

Dormitory                   Dirty Room
Desperation                 A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code              Here come Dots
Slot Machines               Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity                   Is No Amity
Mother-in-law               Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms               Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness               Genuine Class
Semolina                    Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries    Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point             I'm a Dot in Place
Eleven plus two             Twelve plus one
Contradiction               Accord not in it
Astronomer                  Moon Starer
Princess Diana              End Is A Car Spin

AND HERE IS THE MOST INTRIGUING PART
Year Two Thousand           A Year To Shut Down